Found this on FB.
- Feminine Mystique(Chapter 1), Betty Friedan
I have never cared much about what people say. But here is something that I have to deal with every single day from an year. I am fat! The lectures go on “You must run an hour daily!”, “Gym is extremely necessary for you.” blah blah..
First of all, I donot consider myself “fat”. It is because I look fat when compared to those size zero girls around me. I would never wish to look like that! It looks as if a stick is walking around. I am of neither very fat nor very thin. But I get to listen to lectures about how to reduce everyday. It actually concerns people when I say I am not bothered about it. The comments I get usually go like this.
1. You are fat. That’s fine. But I am only concerned about you health dude.
This is the most common thing people say. And the one word comes to my head-Bull shit! I was unhealthy, actually sick an year back. That is what kept me thin for a long time. If I skipped a meal I would faint. But no one was bothered about my health that time. Now, when I am a lot stronger(Thanks to all the physical activities that I have increased) people assume I’m sick. Why? Because I’ fat and fat people must look really ugly to them and they decide that we must be unhealthy too.
My other friend who is slim and ‘fat-less’ as boys call her has some serious disease. But do people talk to her about so-called health that they fuss about? Naaah.. They decide she is perfectly alright as she is fat-less. This thing reminds me of an article where a girl with jaundice (or a similar disease) was pissed off when the doc said to her “You should be happy that now you are thin!!” Outrageous!!!
2. When I say I’m going to gym- “I don’t think so!” or “It is necessary for you.” or just a laugh.
My male friend started gym. He looks fatter now. But people are praising him as he has got muscles. I started gym. My weight remains the same but my hands look fatter due to the weight lifting I do. I am fat-shamed. This irritated me a lot. This same guy who looks fat now laughs at me if I say go to gym. I said him he can think what ever he wishes and I don’t care! I actually don’t care as he has that attitude where a girl cannot handle gym or work.
And there are these people(almost all my male friends) who stress on ‘it is necessary for you’. It is pretty obvious that they are not bothered about my health. They are bothered about how I look and if my looks please them. When a guy said me this I asked him why there is a stress on you, he said “Girls are the only attractive thing in this world.” I am not here to please every boy I meet. I refuse to be an “attractive thing”.
Another friend who stays in a different state pisses me off when ever we speak on phone. He advices me to run,go to gym etc to look “my sexy self” as before. I just ignore his comments as he is immature. He doesn’t even realise that I can answer back someday that he needs to apply fair and lovely,coz he s really really dark! But the reply I would get is, I am a boy. Doesn’t matter how I look. For girls it is necessary to look good. Else who will marry you?
3. This one was from a very close female friend when I said her I will be going to join the karate tournament- You must get a boyfriend before joining all such things. You will start looking like a boy very soon.
(Very similar to – if you grow fat, no one will marry you.)
Let me talk about this girl. She has an abusive boyfriend. He hits her. And she is unable to fight back and most of the times she faints. Well, if my boyfriend or husbands hits me, I’m sure he will regret it. But she doesn’t mind all of this drama. Because getting married and rearing babies is considered to be the only dream a girl must have. And luring a guy to marriage needs, according to many, a physically attractive girl. I would happily remain single than marry a guy who will leave me the moment I grow fat!
I know that it is my nature not to care when people talk shit. But what about others who do? When everyday you have at least one comment on your being “unhealthy” or “ugly”; when every add on TV says that self confidence comes only if you are good looking; when it is an accepted fact everywhere that the only way to for a girl should look pretty and beautiful until she is married; when every fairytale we read has beautiful princess and every prince falls for her beauty alone; When I go to stores to buy clothes, there are these cute tops that are only available in small size and you again get to hear the comments that you need to shrink in order to fit in them – others too may start believing it.
I love pages on facebook like Positive Body Image and Beauty Is Inside which encourage a girl to love herself and her body no matter what. Love to my friends who are not ONLY bothered about how I look. There was an episode from Confessions of an Indian teenager aired on Channel-V. A girl feels inferior due to her weight and is upset when the guy likes doesn’t even look at her. She starts starving hoping to reduce weight and falls ill. Her cousin sister (who too is fat) advices her not to do something as stupid as this again. She also shows a pic of her boyfriend and says that if a guy truly loves you he will not care how you look. Loved that one.
Remember- You are special because you are you! :)
I dint watch “Hasi to phasi” or “Queen”. But Highway was good in many ways.
I watched it as I heard it is nice and I loooove Randeep. I actually had not expected Alia acting so well(dint like student of the year) or having such a nice role.
It was a treat to see her do what she wants to do. My dream is to visit most of the beautiful places in the world. But I have never been out of my native place. The same “girls should be kept safe at home” concept. May be for this I enjoyed every scenery in the movie. I always have had a wild dream to go to the Bermuda triangle when I feel I have lived enough. They say who ever goes there never returns. I wish to solve the mystery before I die :) Really crazy. Any girl with such wild dreams would love the movie.
Any girl who wishes to “be free” would love the movie. The child abuse and physical abuse part has been shown in a heart touching way. As usual Randeep was awesome.
2 things were a shock, which dint go as I had thought they would. After all it is just a Bollywood movie.
i) When Veera (Alia) says she neither wants to marry nor to have kids. The hindi movie heroins have been always portrayed as “Adhuri”(incomplete) without a man and children. Some stupid hindi saas bahu serial recently was on TV in which the “sanskari bahu” thinks she is incomplete without a child. UFFFF. It was nice to see a girl breathe and decide that she need not marry if she doesn’t want to.
ii) When Veera (Alia) decides that she wishes to leave home and stay in the mountains where she always wished to live. I would have expected her to die (The Raam Leela types) or go crazy or finally just find someone else (the happy ending fairy tales ). She fights back! She goes to the mountains. She shouts at her uncle for having abused her in front of all. She lives the life she wants.
There was another article the same day. The only thing the Vajramuni was able to see was Randeep slapping Alia and the beautiful scenery. The movie clearly shows the difference of what we think is good and what is actually good. The society, the ‘reet rivaaj’, you are a girl- you need to be careful- you need to be quite if you are abused is all right. But there is a problem if a guy “protects her form a lecherous underling”. He shouldn’t be doing that. He is a bad boy after all. Why should there be a reason for him to be bad? Boys don’t feel anything. Really?
What if she hadn’t been kidnapped? What if she married a just-another-idiot ? She would have lived her life being suffocated. She would have been abused all her life. She would have “reared kids” even if she dint want to. She would have died just like any girl in the country who has to “behave” in a particular way and not have any dreams at all.
I wish that every girl DREAMS and doesn’t just settle for marriage and kids unless she really wants to. I wish she breathes and tries every way to fullfil her dreams.
Have seen many such posts on FB pleading girls not to upload pictures on FB. This is no different from the ‘victim blaming’ culture.
U are a girl !! You are not supposed to dress like you like , you are not supposed to have any sexuality, you are not even supposed to upload any pictures. !! Its your fault! You are born as a girl so you better go invisible or someone might rape you or misuse your uploaded pic. And also as you are a girl you are not even supposed to have any self esteem. You should be blamed for everything with no one to support you. So you better commit suicide and disappear.
Good for you! ! Its your fault that you wish to LIVE YOUR LIFE. That you wish to wear clothes you like and you wish to upload your pics.
The hilarious thing about the post is that it thinks the monster who would morph the pic (whom patriarchy supports) can only access your pic through Facebook. If someone is holding grudge against you, the person would somehow get your photo and not wait for Facebook to have it uploaded. Also if assume a guy is doing this for random thinking its fun, then not the girl but this monster is to blame. He would have the same perception that even after so many warnings, if the girls post their pictures then they deserve such a punishment. No need to rape them, just morph and circulate the pics. No one would blame you. Its the girl’s fault! How dare she uploads her pics?
Never seen a post that says “Dear brothers please dont rape” or “Dear brothers please DONOT misuse the Pictures uploaded on Facebook. “
The girls are blamed and blamed so much that finally they start blaming themselves. If you are raped, you must suicide! Dowry harassment? ? Suicide! ! Morphed pics circulated?? Please commit suicide! ! This is how these posts look like to me encouraging girls to blame themselves! !
I hope this post encourages at least one boy to post ” Dear sister live your life your way! I will support you always. ” And even better if anyone would come up with the law that will support and help girls if they go through anything such. Which will inturn help to boost the self esteem and girls would just not die and vanish for someone else’s mistake.
And again let me remind. . “Dear brothers please don’t encourage rape culture!!!”